What do Brad Pitt, Jude Law, and Matt Damon have in common? Besides being mega-attractive, they have been at one time "Sexiest Man Alive." Also if given a chance, I would marry all of them.
Furthermore, despite their periods of not being hot. (Damon's Informant Era, Pitt's Creepy Old Man Beard Era, and Law's Wow, I'm a Douche-Whore Era) they have the coveted title.
Fatt Damon, Old Man, and Man-Slut5
I still find them sexy. But what about the more deserving? Pitt has been named twice, and so has Johnny Depp who is kind of a psycho. But these 5 men are just better than naming George Clooney twice.(He is Old!).
Here are the men who should have won.
1) Christian Bale (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Fighter)
Sexiest Batman ever, hands down, no competition. Seriously? He should have won back in 2008 when
The Dark Knight came out. So he hits women, minor character flaw... ish. So he's actually said that he is a douche. It's called honesty and he owns it along with a 6-pack and Batmobile. And that face.
2) James Franco (Spiderman 1,2,3, Pineapple Express)
Okay, forget the Oscars and forget the fact that he looks baked in half his pictures.
Just soak it the hotness. Because this man is sexy. Why would Mary Jane choose skinny, dorky, Tobey Maguire who is basically now a skinny, dorky, spider-infused man with spiderwebs to fly, over rich, buff, hot, Harry Osborn who could just take her in his jet? The world will never know. Movie writers don't understand reality.
3) Mark Wahlberg (The Departed, The Other Guys, The Fighter)
Yeah, i guess 40 is pretty old, but Richard Gere, George Clooney, and Hugh Jackman have won. Since he's getting old, I think Marky Mark deserves the title before his six-pack flabs out and he becomes... not hot...
NOT SEXY- Nicolas Cage (National Treasure 1,2, Ghost Rider, Drive Angry)
Oh look up Nicolas Cage and you will find disgusting images. of his face. He has made the dumbest career moves ever, creeping in 60+ movies from
G-Force to
The Wickerman(Very bad movie) mostly on the account that he is broke. Which occured by him trusting people which when you are Nicolas Cage why would you trust the world? Most likely, they are angry at you for putting out a movie like
Drive Angry. Yeah. Dumbass. He's worn leather, been photographed showing chest hair, and dyed his hair yellow, all of which made him a uber-douche. But also his acting, which is basically not acting, but being a Nicolas Cage. Which is being a weirdo.
His real name isn't even Nicolas Cage, it's Nicolas Kim Coppola. He changed it after his favorite comic book character, Luke Cage. Because thats cool.
Haha, Nic isn't really a smarty.
Back to the hotness
4) Orlando Bloom (Lord of the Rings 1,2,3, Pirates of the Caribbean 1,2,3, Troy)
Bloom (as specifically Legolas) proves that you can gayish and still super hot. Um I've seen LOTR like 4 times each which is probably a summative of 4 hours of seeing him ride horses with Gimli, realize that the hobbits, indeed are being taken to Isengard, and having a beyond friends relationship with Aragorn. Still, he is pretty sexy. And of course Will Turner who spends the entire series trying to grow a pair of balls and find out that dur he's a pirate, also proves this theory. Orly has hard proof evidence that he should be the "Sexiest Man Alive." Also he is a prime figure in gay elf porn. Ew.
5) Leonardo Dicaprio (Titanic, Blood Diamond, Inception)
Speechless. That picture is on a 23" by 40" poster in front of my bed for the last 2 years. I want to marry him. Oh. my god. he is
SEXY.
Okay, this man is obviously the
SEXIEST MAN alive. This isn't even a debate. It's like saying boys think with their dicks. It's a fact. There are virtually no bad pictures of him on google. Google him. You will understand.
Once again stupid movie writers. He can't be "Sexiest Man Alive" when he dies all the time. Death is not exactly hot. Ugh. No. When I watched
Titanic, I did not want to see Rose live a happy life. I wanted to see Leonardo Dicaprio survive and take his shirt off again. When I watched
Romeo & Juliet, I didn't want to see the starcrossed lovers die together. No I wanted to see Juliet drink poison, and watch Leonardo Dicaprio for a full another hour. In
Blood Diamond did you want to see Leonardo Dicaprio die for the nice African man? No, I wanted to see him live and show us his six-pack.
The Departed. He Dies.
Shutter's Island. He Dies.
Inception. He is either dead or in a freak dream. Yeah. Way to give the audience what it wants movie industry. You suck.
Anyway, despite the fact that he is unfairly killed off,
I would like to nominate LEONARDO DICAPRIO as "Sexiest Man Alive" because he is.
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