Boys and Their Scents: 5 Good/Bad Smells

You know, we girls have got to cut down on the perfume. If I can smell you from a 5 foot radius, that is not a good thing. You are not an air freshener. Spraying "Sweet Pea" all over yourself doesn't make you any more attractive to anyone. Trust me. In fact to me, you are now irritating one more of my senses, smell.
But the issue I'm dealing with is not ours, but guy's smells. Boys, please. Think of the people around you. Deodorant is your frenemy. You need it to survive in the world. Put too much on, and people are not going go near you. I will make the exception if you look like this man.

Obviously.

Here are the general smells of high school guys along with my personal thoughts on them.

1) Basic B.O.

Ew......

Body odor. If you have serious B.O. problems, I suggest a visit to your doctor. The only time this is okay is if you have just hardcore exercised. In the next thirty minutes you should shower or else I and most girls will probably not come near your stinking body. The only message you are sending me is that you have poor hygiene. You know who else usually has poor hygiene? Hobos.
2) Soap

The Douche of Douches

Boys, just buy normal clean smelling soap and leave it good. It's what a normal person should smell like and I really hope you are using it. 

3) Axe Douche Spray or Old Spice 

Ah, the scent of dick moves and herpes. Yeah. No, Gross. The natural reek of douche-bags across the country, Axe has spread across continents empowering assholes to all smell the same. If you apply it in large amounts, it is especially horrible for the girl who sits next to you in class. It has direct connections to fake tans and hair gel and all the douchosity in between.  No girl will ever follow you because you spray "Dark Temptation" all over yourself. I'd be tempted to slap you.
Old Spice is less notorious and probably most famous for it's "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" commercial of a guy, shirtless, talking about men, and riding horses. A little iffy and vintage, but not the mark of douche that Axe is.
4) Laundry Detergent

Yum.

I actually really like this smell. It doesn't reek of masculinity since girls indeed also smell like this. It smells warm and cozy and if the sensitive type is the way you want to go, then by all means do it. You will be like a teddy bear. A washed clean teddy bear. Which is better than a douche.

5) Abercrombie/Hollister

FIERCE-The mating call for gay men/preppy douches 

DRIFT- For the surfer/preppy who is drifting  to or is on the douche side.

Unless you look like the guy on the bottle to the right, don't wear it for multiple reasons. First off, I can't even shop in Hollister without getting a perfume headache. Second, why would you ever have a perfume with a guy's abs on it unless you were a) gay or b) a girl? Third. Fierce? FIERCE? That sounds... very homosexual.
Lastly remember these tips

• Remember, if not worn properly(especially cologne) basically you will just be a douche.
• Please do not wear most celebrity endorsed cologne either.
• "Cologne= forever alone" said by Mads
• Wear a moderate amount. As in I shouldn't be able to smell you when I talk to you.